To the trans kids, the gay kids, the bisexual kids, the queer kids who are in unsafe homes. To the ones who cannot go home at all. Your identity is valid regardless of their invalidation of it.
To the fat folks who will spend the holidays being ridiculed for their weight or their size, told to diet and to eat less. You are just as allowed to eat as anyone else. Your body is enough right now.
To the mixed folks who go home and are never white enough or POC enough, who are too white or too POC. Who constantly exist in-between. You are not too white or too POC. You do not have to choose between yourself and yourself. You are not a half and half. You are a whole person.
To the folks unable to talk about their partner at home to family. Your love is valid.
To the partners who are cannot meet the family. Your anger & sadness is valid.
To the heartbroken. To the misfits. To the cast-aside–
I see you. You have a place in this world, even if it is not with your first family. You belong here.
Thoughts about Holidays for LGBTQ+ Folks–
1.Ask allies to correct others when they misgender you. I found this easier than trying to correct folks myself. If you use different pronouns in different situations (you’re out in some places, not in others, or you are genderfluid, or for some other reason!), let allies know what pronouns you use in what specific situations.
2.Set firm boundaries. This might mean exiting a room when a certain topic is discussed. This might mean declaring, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.” This might mean changing the subject carefully. Ask allies to help you with this. Brainstorm what would be the most helpful for you. There might not be a perfect solution — setting boundaries might mean figuring out the best and safest plan B if something goes awry.
3.Affirm yourself. Remind yourself that when someone else invalidates you, it does not mean you are invalid. It means something about their character and not yours. And just because they invalidate you does not mean you then invalidate yourself.
Thoughts about Holidays for Allies–
1.Correct folks when they misgender us. (Make sure this is okay with the person being misgendered – know what pronouns they prefer in that specific situation.)
2.Call out homophobic and transphobic comments. Your silence in the face things like, “f*ggot” or “that’s so gay” or “stop being such a girl/pu*sy/b*tch” are incredibly harmful — to both the folks doing it (silence condones their behavior) and to the LGBTQ+ individuals (silence says: “I’m okay with this discrimination and I won’t stand up for the safety of my LGBTQ+ friends and family.”) Stand up for LGBTQ+ folks even when we are not in earshot.
3.Make a safe space. Don’t ask invasive questions or press inappropriately. (i.e. Don’t ask trans people what surgeries they’ve had unless they offer the conversation.) Allow LGBTQ+ folks to explain as much or as little as they’d like. Be mindful of their boundaries.
4.When confronting others, focus on de-escalation as much as the situation permits. Increasing the intensity can often cause more distress to the LGBTQ+ person targeted.
Instagram post on this here: