I mentioned on Instagram a week ago that sometimes I write lists of things I know to be unequivocally true as a sort of grounding exercise and a few people asked for details and to see an example so here it is!
I title my lists, “Things I know to be true” and then start I just writing. I try as much as I can to do this stream-of-consciousness style, writing down whatever comes to mind, without judging or thinking much about each one.
Here’s an example–
Things I Know To Be True
- I really don’t like Aoki music.
- I don’t usually get visibly at people who aren’t my direct family.
- Getting mad is scary.
- Sometimes I get so mad at people and I have no idea what to do with the anger.
- The blackboard is covered in my doodles.
- My butt hurts from the way I’m sitting.
- I walked out of the room to wash my hands because I was so angry and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to contain myself.
- Songs have the power to bring the past into the present; to drag an old emotional state back into consciousness.
- This is number nine.
- My feet are cold and dressed in striped socks and it’s snowing outside.
- Some songs have the power to make me cry;
- Some songs make me miss her; some songs make me feel like she’s next to me again.
- Some songs make me so sad; but even when the tears start, the nostalgia — the longing for a time of comfort and familiarity — stops me from turning it off.
- And sometimes it’s not a specific ‘her’ that I miss,
- Sometimes it’s a feeling, a state of being, a safety.
- Sometimes I feel lonely.
- Sometimes I am alone.
- Being lonely is not the same thing as being alone.
- Sometimes I love being alone and sometimes I am lonely, lost in a crowd of people.
- When I listen to this song, I’m suddenly back home on a sunny late morning and she’s dancing and for a moment I’m just happy — that was rare back then.
- It’s not rare now; I’m happy a lot now.
- Some songs make me happy.
- And some songs make me want to throw the speakers across the room because I really don’t like heavy metal music.
- This song makes me miss my father.
- My parents love me dearly and I know that there is nothing they wouldn’t do for me and my brother.
- I miss my brother.
- Sometimes I’m hyper aware of my height and I feel short.
- My favorite kinds of stories are short stories — concise and to the point.
- I am often frank and direct but
- I am not often concise
- I like to talk.
- I like to know people; I thrive on connection
- I ache to know and be known; vulnerable and open and naked
Sometimes things I didn’t even realize I was thinking about escape and those are the most valuable nuggets. I might then spend some time dissecting and writing more about these.