When someone attempts to invalidate who you are, it doesn’t actually mean you are invalid. It means a whole lot about that person, their character, their insecurities & fears, their views of the world… It does not mean anything about who you are. This does not mean you can’t feel upset about it. Of course it hurts–and I encourage you to invalidate this anger and pain. But you must also remind yourself that their words and their invalidation do not reflect your character. Do not use their words as weapons against yourself. Tend to the wounds, validate your pain, but do not pick up their weapons and use them on yourself. See more about this ideology in this post below:

 

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Lots of folks ask me how I deal with hatred, transphobia, bigotry. My primary method is to remind myself that their bigotry, comments, transphobia – all of their hate – is not about me. It is about them. Their hatred is about their own insecurities, their own fears, and their own gender boxes. (And I never transitioned to fit anyone else’s gender boxes, anyway.) I am here to be myself. And that means that sometimes my truth will rub someone else the wrong way—but their inability to hold that is THEIR inability to hold that. That doesn’t mean it can’t hurt me. Of course it hurts. But it also doesn’t mean I get to use their words against me, too. I must rally in my own compassion for myself and my identity, grounding myself in the knowledge that I know myself. Very well. And they do not have to. Swipe for some thoughts & a few examples of responses I’ve given when I’ve felt the energy and groundedness to engage.

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