On May 10th at 8:30pm I came out publicly on Facebook to all of my friends. I did so for many reasons. I was tired of hiding and telling people individually, tired of being scared people would find out somehow and not from me first. I did so knowing I had an amazing core support of friends and family who already supported me, so if I lost anyone over Facebook, it wouldn’t matter as much to me.


This is what I posted, along with the following picture of myself:

coming out FB pic

IMPORTANT PSA: Please read this!

Hey everybody! So if you’ve been following me on social media over the past year, I’m sure you’ve noticed changes in my appearance, my clothes, my gender expression. I am no longer girly or feminine; my chest is flat; I wear ties instead of dresses. This post is to affirm your suspicions: I am transgender. For those unfamiliar with this term, it means that the gender in my mind does not match my body’s biological sex. I was born female, and I identify as male. I have medically begun my transition to male. If you have questions as to what that means, please ask me. I would much rather you ask than let your concerns and questions linger in your head. But I am an open book, not a punching bag. Please don’t be mean or hateful. If you don’t understand, ask. If you don’t agree with my decisions, please at least respect me. I am still a person. And I assure you I’m still the same goofy, nerdy, crazy Schuyler that you’ve known. I’m not changing who I am, I’m not changing my personality. I am only changing my body so it matches my insides and my feelings. And lastly, in terms of swimming: I will be swimming for Harvard men’s swim team in the fall instead of the women’s team. Harvard’s swimming as a whole has been incredible in this process, providing me with the amazing opportunity to be me and continue my transition.

Please refer to me with he/him/his pronouns. I understand this will take time to adjust — I don’t offend easily, as long as you are trying. If you would like to see more of my journey and transition, contact me and, like I said, I’m definitely willing to talk and explain.

Also, I have been working on coming out to people individually but it’s been an overwhelming and slow process. At this point, I am tired of hiding and worrying that people will find out. Hence this PSA. So please don’t feel lesser or left out if I haven’t told you before now. Like I said, I’m still Schuyler.

Thank all of you who already support and love me unconditionally. A special shout-out to Harvard swimming, my parents, my brother, and my best friend who have saved my life repeatedly — by loving me and in turn, showing me how I can love myself. I wouldn’t be here writing this today if it weren’t for all of them. Thank you for taking time from your day to read this. Have a great day 🙂


I received overwhelming support and love and a plethora of messages from friends and family. It was a pretty incredible experience; eye-opening in many ways. I am learning to trust people and give them some credit as I learn how to love myself. I received many messages and love even from people I hadn’t talked to in years. It was truly incredible, and I’m so grateful for everyone in my life.

PLEASE NOTE: I would not use the same exact language today to describe my body and my transition as I did in 2015 in that first paragraph — “…it means that the gender in my mind does not match my body’s biological sex. I was born female, and I identify as male. I have medically begun my transition to male.” I no longer describe myself as being “born female.” Instead, I say, “I was assigned female at birth.” Because, in reality, I was never truly female. I was assigned it. My gender has not changed – I have only gained the vocabulary and education to be able to describe it and express it to myself and others. The thing that changed was the expression of myself. Additionally, I have also learned in college that “biological sex” is actually a spectrum and it really isn’t factually/biologically possible to declare a body “biologically female.” Please see this page for more about this. 

Lastly, during the beginning of my transition, I was provided a lot of language about how transgender people were “born in the wrong body” or that I, a transboy, was “just a boy born into a girl’s body.” Over time, I have rejected that language because I do not see my body as wrong or not my own. My body is mine, and I am a man. Therefore, my body is a man’s body. I have included two more recent posts about this below:

View this post on Instagram

I think many people obsess about what’s under the towel. Here’s the thing. I have not gotten and do not ever plan on getting bottom surgery. A lot of folks will then fumble, saying, “but, but you still have FEMALE parts,” to which I reply: I am a man. My parts are mine, no one else’s. Therefore, my parts are a man’s parts. Of course, my parts are different from a lot of other men’s parts, yes. But that does not make me any less of a man. And it does not make my parts any less a man’s. I hope we can stop gendering parts, stop gendering clothing, stop gendering colors, stop gendering things that don’t need to be gendered and let people define themselves. — Note: My parts being mine does not eradicate or invalidate the existence of gender dysphoria! My parts are mine and I could still want to change them. As always, remember this is the language I use to describe ~my~ body and everyone is entitled to describing their body however they like! — #transgender #trans #transisbeautiful #transman #transguy #bottomsurgery #gendertransition #bodypositive #bodyposi #topsurgery #iweigh

A post shared by Schuyler Bailar (he/him) (@pinkmantaray) on

View this post on Instagram

MY BODY IS NOT WRONG. A lot of people say or believe that trans people are "born in the wrong body," and while I understand that sentiment, and others are absolutely entitled to their own description of their own bodies, I personally reject it for my body. I have spent years believing my body was wrong. That was the language I learned in the beginning of my transition. But over time, I’ve realized that this belief makes me feel as if my body has been robbed from me. Because in reality, my body is not actually “wrong;” it grew exactly as my genes (the instructions) dictated, and I grew along with it. A conscious, intentional person with my own agency, able to guide my body to feel more congruent with my identity. For this reason, I choose to use the word “incongruent,” rather than “wrong,” because I do not believe my body is wrong, forbidden, or not my own. My body is mine, and always has been. — #trans #transgender #bodypositive #selflove #selfcare #loveyourlines #topsurgery #hrt #transman #transathlete

A post shared by Schuyler Bailar (he/him) (@pinkmantaray) on

 


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